Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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