I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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