the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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