I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to sanitize my soul.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
