here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
