I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
