First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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