If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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