Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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