also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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