I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
