I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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