So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
