Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
