I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
