The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you had me at cake vodka
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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