what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
