That's when you crack a 10am beer
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
