I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
