i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
