Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
