So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
