So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
