watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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