I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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