it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
