It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
