don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
