This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
