I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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