My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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