New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
