Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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