No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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