I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
