No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
