The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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