We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
