I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
