if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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