We're like a lot better than the average bears
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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