And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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