This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there was a trapeze. enough said
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
