if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
