dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
