I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
