So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
