Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
