she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
