Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
