my mouth tastes like poor choices
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sex in a hospital.. check
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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