I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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