Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
foreskin is a definite game changer
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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